nothingugly

There’s really nothing worse than an ugly toilet. Okay, there’s lots of worse things. Anyhow, this toilet had to go. It’s been hanging out in my down-to-the-studs workspace, begging to be smashed by mistake. Sadly, it’s a “Toto”, so this wart is worth about six hundred bucks. My master plan is to make a gift of it to my plumber (and friend) who is the kind of guy who would really value a six hundred dollar shitter.

I’ve been waiting for him to pick it up for 6 weeks - I call him every week or so. Today, they were scheduled to tear off my front stairs, so it really was time. I called Ralph to let him know that it was now or never, and he suggested that we leave it on the sidewalk and he’d pick it up later in the day (Side story: NEVER do this in the ghetto. I leave the results the reader’s imagination).

So, I ask the one of the stairs-demolishing laborers. His English is worse than my Spanish, but he’d far rather carry half a toilet than smash through 8″ of stair-crete. He takes one end, I take the other. When we get to the stairs, the top two steps are already history. During my puzzled pause (How the hell am I going to get this hundred pound pooper down the non-stairs?) he says, “No problemo” - takes the toilet, and heaves it onto the sidewalk.

I called Ralph to let him know that his toilet had died of a translation error.
-Joe

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  That’s what my house is worth, according to the Alemeda county assessor’s office. That’s an annual $8,697, or $725 a month - in taxes. Turns out that the assessors office is running “6 months behind”, according to Mary Vanderbeck, an “acting” asset service manager. I asked if there were any way that I could avoid paying the $4,964 semi-annual tax bill, and instead pay what I owed - about eight hundred bucks. “Nothing even comes into my mind” she said.

  “Aren’t you astonished that there’s no way to fix this? Ten thousand in taxes on a $135,000 house is quite a bit of money.” “The only thing that surprises me is that you got a $650,000 house for $135,000.” She added, “You were lucky to get a house from people who couldn’t afford to pay for it. I’ve heard some real eviction horror stories - people taking sinks, you name it.” They’ll refund me the difference. Eventually.

  I did let her know that this was a fix & flip gone horribly wrong, and that I was saving a house that was red-tagged in mid “fix” for a quick flip, but that didn’t seem to help.

  In other news, there’s a house for sale on my block for just a little less than a hundred grand. Why? Because the city has red-tagged it, too, and put a $50,000 “prospective lien” on it, just like mine. Because of illegal work done at least twenty years ago. We were informed by the Community and Economic Development agency that there is “no grandfathering” of unpermitted work. This means any house in Oakland can be slapped with this “compliance plan” nonsense at any time. Until the unpermitted work is repaired, you will accrue fines. This is being used all over West Oakland, and it’s done from the street - the inspectors drive by and make a judgement call based on what they see, not on the records (My neighbour’s “violations” included a fully permitted vinyl siding job and stair railings that dated from the original construction of the home in 1908). He was “notified” by inspector Kim Nguyen, who placed her business card under his windshield at 7 am with a note saying, “Please call me.”

  For those of you who get hit with this, FIGHT IT. I’m told (friend of a friend, so take it with a grain of sait) that signing the compliance plan is an admission of guilt. Get a lawyer, talk to other departments, do what it takes to not sign that document. Once you do, you’ll have to fix the violations, which means drawing your house ($2,500), pulling permits ($500?) and fixing the problem. And you have to do so on their schedule - and if you miss the deadlines, you’re out the $2,000 bond, and back to square one.

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  Walls? All gone.  Getting rid of the black mold has been a bit of a challenge - I don’t have detail shots of it, but the mold had grown all the way into the beams. So, after a longish quest to find sufficiently nasty chemicals, I ended up with Fiberlock’s “shockwave” (bough it from Abatix - nice folks, but bloody hard to find. Mail order it, it’s easier). This is essentially a disinfectant. It smells and looks like powerful soap, but the warning labels indicate that it’s quite toxic. I sprayed it liberally with my HVLP painting rig, and used a remote air supply (by allegro) .  This is one of those full face sealing rigs that allow the user to spray seriously poisonous car paint.

  It turns out that borates are a great way to kill mold, too, and they’re non-toxic. I’m going to do a second application Shockwave - on a cold day, so it doesn’t just evaporate off. The longer the contact time, the more effective it is. The bottle recommends ten minutes, and it really does need to soak into the beams. Finally, I’ll do a liberal treatment with a borate solution. This is 1 cup of “20 mule team borax” to one gallon of water. The borates will remain in the house, and should retard any future recurrence of mold. Apparently, borates are added as a mold retardant to insulation batts.

  I no longer have the “headache in my lungs” feeling that I used to get with just a few minutes in the home - and any trace of the mold smell is gone. It’s not even musty in my basement. And that’s after just the first application.

  In other news, I need half a new roof. Though I have to say, I love the look of the place in its current state… more skylights. Hmm.

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I’ve lost my shop at NIMBY, at least until we relocate. Details here.

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I found this gem at Urban Ore. I find their marked prices to be offensively high, but they do dicker. I’d imagine more so now that the housing boom went phut. This piece was marked at $200, (over an older tag for $1000). I got it for a hundred bucks. It’s clearly art nouveau, and it’s not new. It’s foil, so it’s not THAT old. Hand blown clear glass (I can’t tell if the coloured glass is hand done). The ring and post design looks like a Greene and Greene bungalow detail. I’ll need to restore it (I’ve got the local glass vendor hunting for a match for the clear glass). It’ll likely end up inside my pocket doors. Miss p. added for scale. It’s four and a half feet in diameter.

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I got a question about the previous post, and it’s been on my mind.

Nice post. So here’s my question: why bother? I grew up in the Bay Area and know Oakland well. I would never live there. Crime is bad. The city government is corrupt and inefficient. The housing stock is falling to pieces.

However, these are things you’re obviously well aware of. So you must have a very good reason for buying a place in Oakland. What is it? I’m not trying to argue. I’m trying to figure out why a smart, energetic person is bothering with Oakland. Can you help me out here?

  I’ll go one step further. Why live in a place where they’ll burn your house for complaining to the cops about drug dealing? Or where there are two recycling centers in easy walking distance - and one is a polluter and the other is a haven for crack-heads?  In a city that has a well deserved national reputation for street crime?

I’ve done some travel overseas, and when I’m asked about the US, I’m usually stumped.  After all, most Europeans seem to think of the US the way most Americans think of Texas… boorish, belligerent, and in poor taste. I answer, “Well, the US is really REALLY large.” In other words, we’re talking about people, not “crime rates”. In city hall, I’ve definitely run into my share of obstructions, and I haven’t even applied for permits yet. However, I also found Betty Marvin, who ran the Oakland Cultural Heritage Survey. She has every block of West Oakland memorized, and when I mentioned my address, she asked what had become of the church two houses down. At no cost, she provided me with an overview of Oakland architectural heritage, and found a picture taken of my house in 1987.  I’ll be using it as a restoration guide, and the Mills Act she pointed me at may help mitigate tax issues.

  Finally, my immediate neighbourhood. My right hand neighbour is a good friend and fellow NIMBY denizen. On my left, there’s a gracious family whose roots in that house go back almost a hundred years. I’m across the street from brand new yuppie condos. 7 minutes from the bay bridge toll plaza. 8 minutes by bicycle from a Bart station. I’m a 5 minute walk from my woodshop. Many of my friends in the area are either in the trades, artists, or both - so there’s a ready supply of skilled friendly help for this project.

  On Friday night, I attended Art Murmur on my friend’s double decker bus. We drove through the Acorn projects in the wee hours of the morning and got nothing but smiles.

  There’s even a potential upside. West Oakland was gentrifying quickly before the crash, and condo projects are starting - even now. As gas prices skyrocket, the suburbanites who bought places in Tracy have moved to be closer to their jobs. I’m within four blocks of Emeryville, Pixar, and more condos than you can shake a stick at. Ten years ago, it was solid industry.

  Finally - if I’m lucky - this house is my way out of cubicle life. I’ve paid cash, and I have some left to fix up the house with. In a year, I’ll be broke, unemployed, and I’ll own my own house free and clear. How much money does it take to live a life well? I’ve made some compromises, but I get to live the life I want to be living, surrounded by happy people who have made a similar set of choices.

  There is risk. I’ll lose some tools. I may get mugged on the street. It’s possible my house will be broken into. I’m panhandled daily. Shopping carts rattle by the front window all day. But you know what? It beats the shit out of sitting in a cube.

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I’m trying to buy a house in West Oakland. The price is right - about 135K. The place needs… well, everything. The previous owner bought three places, side by side, and did a lot of “work” on them, so they could flip the houses. All of it was illegal, and all of it was BAD. Want new walls? Just smack up some drywall over the old plaster. New outlets? No sweat - wire those bad boys in before the new drywall goes up. They won’t see the wires; they’re between the two layers of plaster. But the  absolute best? The roof. You can see daylight through this roof. You can whiff basketballs through this roof. The mold is so bad that I have to wear a respirator. The floor has traces of green from alge. But the kitchen! it looks FAB, does it not? Want to remove a stairway and not fix the siding? Cut the door in half, nail it shut, and call it waterproof. NEXT!

  In other words, it’s exactly what I’m looking for. I’m delighted. However, the City of Oakland is doing everything in it’s mother-lovin’ power to stop this sale. Why? Probably because they LIKE crack houses. My diligent and excellent escrow company has been “working” with the City of Oakland for almost a month to try to get this thing sold.

  First, we pull the title. YOW! Ug-LEE. There are numerous liens on the property from the city. Apparently, when the owner walked away, the crack heads moved in. The city cleaned it up a few times, and tried to charge the owner for the service. Now, the owner has fled, so the city is owed the cleaning charge. Also, there are numerous fines from “red tagging” - All the work was done without permits. There are three additional liens which were recorded in error (how do you record a lien by mistake? Three times?) Then, there’s the doozy. The city has a $50,000 “prospective lien” on the property. And, to cap it all off, the city is in the process of declaring the property a “Substandard public nuisance”. Now, this is all well and good. The guys who “fixed” this house weren’t going to correct anything, and city wants to get paid. However, here comes a buyer - me - paying cash for a crack house in West Oakland. Not to fix it and flip it, but to live there. You’d think they’d want to help.

  Here’s where the fun starts. Escrow contacts the city, and the city informs us that the “prospective lien” is ACTUALLY only for $5176, and they refer us to an inspector. The inspector’s boss has been known to return emails, though it usually takes 48 hours. The inspector herself hasn’t returned an email, ever. And she’s running about 30% on phone calls. In fact, the city of Oakland’s voicemail system has been entirely unavailable twice. So, since we’re now three weeks into the 7 day escrow, I decide to trot down to city hall.

  I lean that, we (the seller and myself) have to file a “compliance plan” with the city. The intent, presumably, is that we follow through with the compliance plan to remove all the issues that the property now has. However, to do this, we have to work with the inspector. Oh, and draw up plans. And file a $2000 bond. And pay about $1600 in fees. BEFORE the buyer owns the house. What happens, I ask, if the deal falls through? I’m informed that it has happened in the past, and the buyer attempted to get the fees and bond refunded (I guess they were out the plan drawing charge, which typically start at $2500). The inspector told me that the city of Oakland - i.e,:, her - told them to fuck off, and the buyer was left with no money, and the city was left with another crack house. Oh, and one of the violations? Well, my door is right bang at the top of the stairs. No landing. I go to the historical department, and pull a photograph taken in 1988, showing the door in the current position. The historical department guessed that the porch had been glassed in sometime in the 1920s. So, I’m forced to correct a code violation from 1925 before I can move into a crack house?

  After three or four rounds of this, (not to mention the good old runaround to other departments, but that’s a side issue), the inspector calls me back and informs me that since it’s an all cash transaction, I can actually just take responsibility for all of the above issues, and we can FINALLY transfer title.  The seller - a bank - drops the price of the house by the cost of the bond - $2000 - and the approximation of the fees - $1600.

  The summary, though, is pretty sad for Oakland. What it really means is that it’s effectively impossible to use a loan to buy a house which has been declared “substandard” by the city. Only the worst of the worst manage to get declared substandard, but it’s a bureaucratic roach motel. Essentially, the city is going to ensure that once a house has been identified as a nuisance, it’s pretty much going to stay that way, racking up additional fees, and never get sold.

  My house will close August 5th. 36 days after entering the 7 day escrow period.

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   The multi-router is a great tool for cutting motise and tenon joints. It’ll also cut dovetails and finger joints, but I have lots of tools for that. If you have a multi-router, this is probably a very interesting post. If you don’t, you’ll probably want to move along.

Several woodworkers who have come through the shop have been interested in how I’ve solved a couple problems related to the JDS multi-router. One, is how to store the cute little templates that let you cut all the shapes that the router can cut. The other is how to mount a digital gauge on the Z-axis.

  First, the template storage. This tool board uses the standard cleating system that all storage uses in my shop. Note the padouk peg that secures the finger and dovetail templates.

  The other trick is that I noticed that JDS offers a digital gauge for the Z axis for the low low price of $469. From the photo, I recognized it as an OEMed proscale gauge. I was able to pick one up directly here - the best deal, when available - or for slightly more here. Mounting it was trivial - I provided two screws and some nylon washers. Images below.

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   Still building out the shop. A couple weeks ago, I got a large blower installed, which pumps enough outside air into the shop to turn the air over about every three minutes. Now, it’s all about the vacuum system.

  One cute trick that I used - everything on the walls is on 30 degree cleats. The shelf below is also on a cleat -  i just cut a notch out of the bottom of it. It’s strong enough for me to sit on.

  The rest of the shop is a bit of a mess - with no vacuum system, sawdust ends up on the floor, up my nose, around the corner, and inside “sealed cabinets”. I’ll be glad when it’s done!

  The jointer and planer run on three phase, and the rest is 220/110.

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